That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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