he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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