dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
