I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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