you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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