My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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