This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize