When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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