first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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