The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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