so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize