ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize