remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
FUCK WHALES
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize