walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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