So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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