After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize