$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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