What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize