When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize