How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize