Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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