he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize