i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize