My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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