Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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