If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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