last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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