You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize