Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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