Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize