he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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