Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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