I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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