i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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