If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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