It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize