I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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