Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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