He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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