Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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