Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Success! We fucked roommates!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize