I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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