my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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