On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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