just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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