I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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