I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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