I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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