Define "chronic" masturbator.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize