you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never joke about your clitoris.
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